I hate being fat 😭😭😭

I have been overweight my whole life but this the shittiest I have ever felt. It started after the birth of my son, I was prescribed a medication that gave me seizures and I packed on 40lbs 😭 I was already fat! I didn't need to gain 40lbs LOL

I recently fired all my "doctors" and have been going to an integrative doctor. She has done more for me in 2 visits than they have and I am now only on 2 medications. 1 for my RA and 1 for my new seizure disorder 🤬. Before they had me on a couple different antidepressants and come to find out I was never depressed!

I have returned to the gym, I got my Mirena IUD yanked, paraguard put in, I did a food sensitivey test and am waiting for my hormone testing but I am feeling optimistic.

Today, for the first time in 6 weeks, I hopped on the scale.....down 1.5lbs. Gah! Wtf! I quit starbucks, avoiding my inflammatory foods and going to the gym. Also, dabbling in intermittent fasting. I just wanted to bust into tears. I am over this. *but* I am ovulating so perhaps it was just bad timing to get on the scale? My clothes seem to fit a little better and I am seeing more definition in my waist line.

As my husbands Christmas party approaches, I almost do not want to go. I will be the fattest, most disgusting wife. I just feel so bad for him.

Edit: I didn't include but I guess it was also assumed that I eat bad. But admittedly finding out what my inflammatory foods are has thrown me for a loop seeing how I ate them all the time! I focus on a low carb, high protein diet but really stay away from processed sugars. I drink lots of water, realistically probably 96oz a day *at minimum* because my water cup is 32oz and I drink 3 of them at work alone. I also do not own a scale. My husband threw it out months ago, I can't even get dressed without getting frustrated, the scale added more stress to me.