To divorce or let time heal?

Question

My husband who I met 9 years ago and married 3 years ago just had our first baby boy. He is the best thing ever happened to both of us and we are truly blessed that God has given us this amazing miracle. Our newborn is 3 weeks today. Today I called my husband while he is at work and suggested divorce. I feel like a horrible and dumb person for staying with this guy. He cheated and lied to me so much in the past and I forgave him and started to trust him again, but there are moments that I'm still traumatized by the cheating/lies and I get crying spells. I even get nightmares while I'm asleep and wake up weepy with my heart palpitating so much. I thought I forgave him but I realize I don't forgive him since I'm still hurt and cannot move past this feeling. I simply do not trust him no matter how much he "changed" or is trying to. Now that I suggest divorce he refuses to go with the plan because we have a baby and says no other man is going to love our baby. I told him I'm not going to be looking for a man since I will be focusing on our son and myself. Although none of his business I was very clear that I do not want to be in a relationship anytime soon. I told him I am no longer happy with him and cannot move on from what he put me through which is why I want to end the relationship. I told him we can both share custody of our child and he is arguing with me that divorce isn't going to happen because we have a baby and that he loves me. I am an emotional wreck right now because I do not feel loved based on what he has done to me in the past and still believe he hides things from me even though he swears he is being honest and behaving for the sake of our baby. I still love him so much but I hate him at the same time. Even looking at him angers me. I cry every single day while my baby is taking a nap and always tell myself I deserve so much better because I've given my all to him. He is trying really hard to change and every kind and loving gesture never goes unnoticed. Then a few moments later I get back into this anger/depression. I am definitely traumatized and still in shock from the cheating and lies because I never cheated on him ever. I don't know what to do..... he doesn't want to proceed in the divorce process because he says it's important to raise the child together but I believe it's important to set the example so that our baby can see mom and dad happy even though seperated. Idk why my husband wants to stay with me if he cheated on me which means he never loved me.

Answer

Have you considered counseling? Maybe try that to help with emotions, I do know what you are going through though, first hand. I stayed with mine, it was an emotional affair. It has been 3 years past and we are better than what we ever were. We noticed why we were having so many issues and changed how we both were and what we were doing. If you think you might be able to get passed it, maybe try counseling as the last draw, that's only if you think there could be any chance. If not, then follow your gut instinct. You have to be happy too! He can't tell you what you need to decide.

Answer

just because he doesn’t want the divorce doesn’t mean it has to be no divorce. wake yourself.

Answer

Y’all need to get in counseling ASAP. If you don’t it won’t work. You will end up staying and hating yourself for it. It’s not up to your husband if you divorce him first of all...and raising a kid in an unhappy marriage is much worse than raising a kid with 2 separated but happy parents. You can’t stay with someone and be miserable just because of a kid. But if he’s changed and trying to be different and if you still love him then you need to go to counseling. You’re obviously not over the past and you both need to talk to someone about that

Answer

First I’d like to say that Cheating doesn’t equate he never loved you. But what he is offering you in this relationship isn’t what you NEED from him. He can’t offer that and is no longer able to considering the emotional toll it has caused you. Trust is everything and he has broken that with you. It will be hard, and you’re going to feel like you’re chewing on glass the whole way, but I promise you, when you look back in 10 years, you will be so glad for making the decision to part ways. 
The best thing to do for your child is, in my opinion, doing what’s best for you. And that sounds like getting a divorce and moving on with your life. Stay strong♥️ don’t let him talk his way out of the consequences of his actions. Move and Serve him the papers.

Answer

I dont know what to tell you because I'm going through the same thing as you are. It's so hard. Everything you said is like my situation. It's so scary. I'm still with him but not really happy but I love him. I dont know what to do.

Answer

How long has it been since he cheated? Did you two ever get counseling for this? Did you ever get counseling for the trauma because I think you should. What if you just separated for a period of time and got counseling during that time?

Answer

You’re not wrong either way . Only you know how much you can endure . Be free of guilt , pressure , or fear when you make the choice though . Find a way to ground yourself to listen to your intuition . I’m sorry you’ve been through all this . I hope one day you can look back at this and understand what lesson you had to learn in this moment .

Answer

Divorce him. 
You can forgive someone without forgetting what they did, you are clearly traumatised by his cheating and obviously you don’t trust him. Again you don’t have to trust someone as part of forgiving them. It sounds like you need therapy/counselling to get over what he did. I don’t think couples therapy would be a good idea because he obviously thinks everything is fine now as it’s in the last and you stayed. 
Don’t stay in an unhappy relationship because of a child, work out a childcare rota so you both have him. If you stay you will just become more traumatised and unhappy. Its not fair to bring a child up in that environment (trust me, i was brought up in that environment and I believed it was my fault my parents were unhappy until i knew the full story).

To divorce or let time heal?

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