FUCK RUMORS AND GOSSIP. [long useless ramblings]

Disclaimer: This is just me trying to write out what’s on my mind. Nothing super important. Just frustrated and confused and really hurt. Whoops.

So first off, FUCK YOU if you are the rumor spreading gossip type. You have a special place to rot in hell. Grow up and stop ruining people’s lives, self esteem, reputations, or whatever. It doesn’t make you look good. And the happiness or excitement you feel from doing so is bullshit and I promise you IT DOESN’T LAST. So do everyone a favor and shut your fucking mouth.

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This week at work was complete shit. Absolutely terrible. Every single bit of it.

Everything that could go wrong went wrong all week. I’m fed up with my bosses and (most of) my subordinates. There are very few things keeping me there right now, but they happen to be big things that are important to me.

But the thing that has sent me over the edge was finding out I am under investigation for having an affair. I am not. I am happily and openly dating my boyfriend who doesn’t work in my company. And the guy involved is also happily dating his girlfriend of 8 years. Not to mention the fact that this guy is 38 years old (we’ll call him Ray for clarities sake) and I am 23. He has kids that are quite literally half my age!!!!!!!!

He and I are good friends at work, but we have never had conversations outside of work. We don’t have each other on social media or each other’s phone numbers. It really is just a casual friendly work relationship. I also know Ray absolutely loves his job and wouldn’t risk that for anything.

I knew something was up the other day when a manager overheard us talking before he (Ray) left and made a weird little scoffing noise. Ray works half days on Wednesday’s so when he was walking by the lab he stuck his head in and said bye to everyone. I walked out to check if he or his lead had changed the chemical settings before leaving and who to call if I needed it adjusted again. Before parting Ray turned to me and said, “Please get some sleep today, I am really worried about you.” And our plant manager heard only that part as he walked by. He did his little huff and typical angry shoulder rolling motion (imagine a chicken pecking) but didn’t stop or say anything. I told Ray I’d do my best and to have a good weekend. Then he left.

Well later that night one of my techs (Cass, 31F) asked if I was aware Ray and I were under investigation for having an affair. I looked at her confused and said I didn’t know anything of it. She said, “Yeah, I was surprised to see you two on the floor talking with it going on! I’m sorry...” She wasn’t in the lab when Ray and I said bye so she didn’t even know about the manager reacting the way he did. Cass and Ray are also friends outside of work and she has gone to plenty of his parties so she also knows his girlfriend.

Ray and I had talked on the floor at start up that night, about how stressed we had both been with everything going on. I told him how I had slept for maybe two hours for the past two days. He joked about running away and living on a beach and I said it didn’t sound half bad. Cass was talking to USDA not even 5 feet from us and his team was working on a machine next to us as well. So nothing was private.

One of my other techs (F22, Kate) has also had a terrible week and she and I were talking trying to work stuff out. Kate was crying and telling me about how she hasn’t been thinking clearly lately and how she didn’t feel like her family or boyfriend were listening to her. I didn’t have many words to share with her because I had felt the same way. So I let her know that and we shared some tears and hugs. In her whole “I don’t like our team they’re mean and lazy people” spiel, she mentioned the investigation thing. In fact she said, “How come they investigate people like you and Ray based on heresay but don’t do shit about the people who are faking their jobs based on factual evidence?”

Come to find out one of my technicians made a comment or joke or something about how he thought Ray and I “had a thing” and the plant manager (the same one who scoffed at us) heard it and called him into his office. I have no idea what was said or why but I had never been so pissed off in my life.

Kate said she told him and the team members he was talking to, to cut their shit because it wasn’t true but the deed was already done. I do believe she tried to stop it, but that doesn’t mean much at this place.

Due to these rumors about me and this stupid investigation I don’t even know what to do. I was beginning to apply for a new position in the company and now I can kiss that opportunity goodbye because it would be in the same department as Ray.

I wanted to talk to the company chaplain on Thursday night/Friday morning about everything going on, but I kept getting called away for issues by my techs. So he ended up leaving and said to email him and we’d set up a time and he’d come in again.

I was talking to the operations manager (M32, Arthur) watching maintenance work on a machine that had broke when he asked if I was okay. I told him not really and that I wanted to talk to the chaplain but was unable to and he laughed and said the same thing. He said if I wanted I could talk to him. I’m comfortable with him, he’s the nicest person at the plant by far and he actually cares about people and not just getting product out the door.

So we stepped back from the action a little and he asked if it was personal issues or work. So I whimpered out a little “both.” And started getting choked up.

I told him about the investigation and he stopped me in the middle of my sentence and said “you’re fucking kidding me, right?” It takes a lot for Arthur to cuss, but I think I needed it at that point. He apologized and said, “Nothing against Ray, he’s a great guy and I like him a lot, but of all rumors about all the people at this plant they’re going to believe this one? You work hard every day, I see the way you treat people, and I see the way you interact with everyone. Yes, I’ve seen you and Ray talking plenty but I also see your same smile and laugh when you’re talking to Garnett or Melinda. I see the way your team respects and trusts you. I see people who don’t talk to anyone opening up to you and I know Ray is one of them. But I wouldn’t suspect that to be anything more than you being easy to talk to. This is absolutely stupid.” We continued to talk as he tried to get my mind off of everything until I was called away again.

But damn, it really sucks to be in this shit. I don’t even know what to do as my next step. I know the investigation could potentially be a rumor since I haven’t officially heard anything from HR or any other higher-ups. But the fact that my techs and a few of Ray’s team members are aware something is going on makes me believe it is more than likely true.

Edit 1: Why it sorta matters IF we were sleeping together is because we’re both in management positions. Since we’re equals (title-wise) I don’t get why it would matter either, apparently it does though. But since we aren’t it just seems absolutely ridiculous.