I made him a better man for someone else

So I'm married but I'm caught. My husband had a problem with drugs, prostituted himself to support his habit, and they made him a physical violent man. He's now clean but I'm tangling with myself because had he not went down the path he chose, we'd have been perfect for each other. I'm finding it difficult to live in the present. The repeat STDs, the relationships he built with the side hustles, the continued physical violence, the lack of trust, and the risk of relapse....it's all to much. I really don't think it's salvageable. He's perfect when he's clean but he consistently chose his drugs and while it might work, the chance that there's any future is concerning. So either I forgive and let go or accept that he'll be the perfect man for the next woman. Need some good vibes. Don't need to be told how to feel. It's a process that changes from hour to hour. But I'm sad and I need lifted up so I can have the courage I need to make the choice I'll eventually settle on. It sucks cuz we love each other and want the same things for the future and the "what if" I never get that when I leave is also a prevailing reason I'm just barely hanging in here. When is it to much water under the bridge to hope for a semi-normal existence. Meaning as I told him: "you've wrecked the castle but not impossible to build a house".