I don’t want to be that girl, but

A longer post, but I really need some advice. My mind hasn’t been able to let this go, and I need someone to help me get set straight ...

I’ve never wanted to be that girlfriend who always feels uncomfortable with her man’s female friends.

In my first real relationship, it didn’t phase me at all. I never batted an eye when my boyfriend would hang out with his female friends, and he never minded when I hung out with my male friends. A few relationships later, I have been cheated on, emotionally abused, and manipulated. It was quite honestly one of the most scarring experiences of my life. I met my current boyfriend after that nightmare with my most recent ex. We have been together for a year and some months, and I have never been with someone as caring, stable, consistent, and supportive as him. I deal with chronic pain, and he is always there to support me no matter how much I am hurting or sobbing. He is a fantastic man, and I love him so much.

The past few days, however, I have been feeling really uncomfortable and upset about one of my boyfriend’s female friends, and I can’t get it out of my head. He had mentioned her casually before (just a friend from a lot of his classes),. One day he was telling me about how her and her boyfriend had broken up, and that he only found out because he (my boyfriend) asked how they were doing. I thought it was a little weird, because he really hadn’t ever told me personal things about her, and I made a joke about her not talking about her relationship to my boyfriend because she’s thinking “there’s this cute guy I study with...” (my bf). He got really defensive, which bothered me, saying that I always say things like this, etc. Maybe so. I’ve been a lot more sensitive about “female friends” since being cheated on (my scumbag of an ex cheated on me with his ex girlfriend who was his “best friend”). I have been trying really hard to be understanding and to chill out, especially since my boyfriend is very charismatic and outgoing and has a lot of friends of both genders.

I met this girl for the first time a few days ago, when we all met to study (we’re graduating in a semester and they had the same exam the next day). He asked if I wanted to get coffee at a shop a little ways away from campus (even though there’s one right where we’d be studying) and that we could give her a drive to the library to study with us if we did go since it was right by her place (retrospectively I am wondering how he knew where she lived, since I never got the impression that they were *that* close). I said no because I was preemptively feeling weird about things. (Once again, for no real reason.. just a feeling). The thing is, I liked her a lot when I met her— she was funny and sweet (and of course, absolutely gorgeous), but seeing them interact made my stomach churn. I could see why he would like her, too.. The way he acted towards her seemed so similar to how he interacts with me when he’s excited to see me... however, he didn’t do anything inappropriate at all! I guess they acted like good friends would act, like I act with my good guy friends. Something about it just didn’t feel right at all, though, and I can’t get it out of my mind. My boyfriend tells me how happy he is with me and how much he loves me, and he is naturally not a very emotional guy (at least in a lovey way)— I know he truly means it. I have no suspicion of him actually having done anything with her, or that anything would happen (she’s also on a relationship now, and like I said, I trust that my boyfriend wouldn’t cheat on me), but I can’t shake this feeling.

My boyfriend and I talked about this for an hour, and when I asked, he straightforwardly said that he did ask her out when they first met, but she said no and had a boyfriend at the time, so they’re just friends and that was that. Even when they were both single at the same point, he didn’t pursue her. He tried being sweet, saying “if you think she’s attractive and nice, then think how much more you are!” trying to cheer me up. He made it clear that I’m the woman he wants to be with, and I know he’s the man I want to be with. He called me his other half, and he usually never lets himself get *that* emotional. He is a very genuine person, something that drew me to him when we first met, but also something that I think I take for granted now.

At this point, I just want to know if you think I’m getting in my own head and blowing this all out of proportion. How do I settle this down in my mind? I’ve been PMSing, and I don’t have any reason to mistrust my boyfriend. I’ve been a hormonal wreck of anxiety the past couple days, and I really think I am getting worked up for no reason. That damn sixth sense, though! I’ve ignored it before when it’s been right... this time I think I’m letting it influence me when its wrong. I’m leaving the country in a couple weeks until May, so I don’t want this to ruin our last couple weeks before we have to go LD!