HELLLP! Am depriving my child of love???

Question

I’m a mom to a toddler and I feel a disconnect with her. I don’t want her to view me as a mean mom bc I am the disciplinarian. (My husband doesn’t do anything when she’s misbehaving) Overall for her to be two (terrible twos) she’s not a bad kid. Sure she does things sometimes like tear the blinds up or KEEPS turning the WiFi off but nothing extreme. She doesn’t have temper tantrums, she doesn’t act out in public. The most I get on her for is whining. However occasionally when she does do something wrong I struggle with how to discipline her. Most times I just yell bc I feel she’s too young to get popped but then I feel like I don’t want her to think this behavior is okay then she turns into an unbearable three year old. Idk I spoke to my husband about it and he said maybe we should just put her in time out, spend less time yelling at her and more time hugging and playing with her. I totally agreed with him. But then I started to realize how I don’t spend a lot of time playing with her. I’m always hugging and kissing on her but still. I’m in the army so I have a set schedule all week and now I can’t help but to think I’m depriving her of love. She like to lay on top of my husband and I to go to sleep but personally that’s uncomfortable for me and I know it hurts her cus she cries. Now she just lay as close as possible to me or lay on her father. But how do I make it better? It’s absolutely nothing I wouldn’t do for her. I love her beyond I could ever describe. But how can I be a better mom and show this to her? Being a great mom is my number one goal in life and I do not want to fail. 😢

Answer

Her behavior is typical and normal for her age. Yelling will make nothing but make it worse . Look up peaceful parenting online .
Please don’t spank your child. It teaches fear instead of respect and cooperation. 
She’s far too young to understand anything now. And the impulse restraint doesn’t come in until about age 5 years old. All you should do not is say no and redirect attention to a different activity . Know that she is absolutely typical and allllll kids her age do this. They will test your patience and defy you because they are too young to understand and restrain themselves from doing something they should not like pushing the WiFi button. To them it’s a button and it MUST be pushed . Completely typical behavior for this age. Say no and redirect attention to a new activity and loo up peaceful parenting, online

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Check out the book “the whole brain child”. It taught me so much! Yelling and spanking are just going to foster worse behavior. Time outs are a step in a better direction but you need to use them carefully. Kids at this age do not have self control or emotional regulation. They also cannot think logically most of the time. They act out when they are hungry, tired, uncomfortable, or in need of attention. Yelling or spanking just sends them into an even deeper emotional spiral and does not teach them to manage their emotions or encourage better behavior. It just teaches them to avoid getting caught and avoid you (and to yell at and hit others). I’m not perfect and I yell too, but I’m trying to stop. 
I think you are spot on realizing that playing with your child is a positive thing to add to your relationship. My two year old and I play hide-and-seek (I always have to hide) and color together and make block towers together and other stuff like that and it’s great bonding! And I bet you actually are doing “playing” without even realizing it and I’m sure you’re a better parent than you give yourself credit for! Being a mom is tough and all we can do is our best.

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Definitely agree with the time outs being the better option they work pretty well. For my son acting out is his way of wanting attention. So get on the ground with her and play whenever possible. When you have time off to do things take her out and spend the time together

Answer

Ps.. this is my 3 year old daughter who knows she’s not supposed to sit on top of her table. Do you think she cares ?🤦‍♀️
But she says please and thank you and youre welcome . She is an angel in public and doesn’t throw tantrums at home . She’s polite and says excuse me after she farts and bless you when someone sneezes. She’s smart and kind and gives the biggest hugs and kisses and says I love you . 
But she can’t control the impulse because she’s too young to be able to control it. It comes with age

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I recommend reading “no drama discipline” and “the whole brain child”. It really helps one understand child development and why they act the way they do. You can get an audiobook if you don’t have time to read. Good luck!

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Maybe find an activity that you two can enjoy together! Recently my two year old has been helping me bake and we paint and read books together. Doing things together is so important and will show her you love her!! (Doesn’t have to be playing or letting her lay on top of you!) I also find that even a little bit of time doing something that seems more like its for big kids (cooking/laundry/play dough) helps him regulate his behavior

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I personally don’t tell because it they don’t really understand what they are doing wrong a lot of times. I just ask her not to do something and when she listens to me I make a huge deal out of what a great listener she is and that has worked very well for us. She almost always stops doing whatever it is so she can come get her praise and hugs&kisses. Sometimes she does not and I just chase her down and tickle her and tell her no! It distracts her enough to where she will move on from what it is to playing with me. You sound like you are doing great! Don’t be so hard on yourself. If you see something you want to change then all you can do is your best to change it!

Answer

I used to be a yeller! I never hit because I don’t feel that hurting my kid is a way of correcting bad behavior. But I was in the same boat as you and I know it’s frustrating when you have a partner who doesn’t do any of the disciplining. The way I broke the cycle AND got my child’s attention were this: first, I had to remind myself that I didn’t want to break her free spirit, it’s what makes her, her. Second, I legit stuck a rubber band on my wrist and every.single.time I yelled I snapped that shit until it physically hurt because I correlated my physical pain with the emotional pain she was feeling when I yelled. The last thing I did was give her a chance to correct her behavior with “that’s a 1 (we don’t do ___) that’s a 2(we don’t do___) and at 3 we do a time out.” It took about two weeks and then she would stop whatever the inappropriate thing was at that’s a 1. Good luck!!

Answer

Its really hard but I believe in correctly disciplining my almost 2 year old with spanking. I only do it when she's being mischievous and directly disobeying what I've told her to do and only once instead of repeatedly. I know it may seem odd to spank a two year old but if done correctly and with love they learn not to do the wrong things they are doing. They are testing all the boundaries of right and wrong actions starting at 18 months on. From experience and with our families we've seen our parents discipline us out of love and it corrected our behavior as kids. We've started using this method of discipline when she's throwing a fit (all her needs are met and she's just mad) and at bed time when she wants to get out of her toddler bed to play and laughs when I say its bed time. I tried it last night and instead of playing at bedtime she laid right down to go to sleep. Not every child will react that way but patience and consistency is what kids need. They need to know your boundaries and see it from you. You aren't depriving her of love and as a working mom I understand that guilt. Keep loving and guiding her as you have been. You got this!

Answer

Time out . 
My 2  year old likes to fall asleep on me . I'm 9months pregnant .uncomfortable.  she won't sleep by her dad.I put up with it all, it's a phase they will grow out of. 
Usually we get annoyed when our minds are else where ... be attentive

HELLLP! Am depriving my child of love???

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