I need some positivity.

I am a person who is always happy...not that life is ever perfect, even though I get irritated at our kids. I just normally ride on the glass half full, life is rainbows if you know where to look. I need help, I'm incredibly sad and disappointed and my heart feels crushed. We had 3 losses in the last year, first time I told hubs I was pregnant was New Years eve and we were both over the moon. Now it's become a very delicate thing. The feelings are different. But just had our fertile window, and here we are trying once again. I just have a deflated feeling. Like I can't get myself excited, more so that I cant get my mind to stop wondering what I did. I'm on the cusp of turning 40. I feel like its the final countdown, 2 weeks from tomorrow.