I know I am being a fool

Hey ladies, how is everyone doing? I am just going to jump right into it. I am in a 12 year relationship of ups and a lot of downs. I know what they say about trust but through all the turmoil in my relationship we are still together. He was in the bathroom and I noticed that one of his phones were still in the room on the charger so being the person in the household with everyone’s passwords and so on I did the dumbest thing any woman could knowingly distrusting him and already suspecting to find something. I stupidly look through his text messages and saw conversations with him and another woman he labeled as “Shit2” I was so nervous I had to go number 2 but I clenched and proceeded to read and long story short I saw what I expected to see. Yes you guessed it he cheated on me and not even five hours ago. He is just smiling in my face talking to me like he did when the love was still fresh. Being extra nice. I got a new washer and dryer our daughter got a new bed. Seeing that I knew to continue not to trust but verify and vetoed I am. I really have no reaction to it. No crying no confronting him about it nothing. I think I may be numb or something but how in the hell do I deal with this hurt while I still stay and be misused? I am a fool because I am not in the position to leave yet so I’m here but how do I going pretending I’m not hurt when I am dying on the inside?