Is it wrong of me to ask my husband to cut back on his drinking?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 12 years and have a 4 month old son together. For about the last 5 years of our marriage, he will have a couple beers or glasses of wine after work. I’ve always had a problem with it because I don’t feel like someone should have to drink every single day to relax. I’ve asked him to stop in the past and he’s told me no and that I’m trying to control him. I’m not asking him to stop drinking, just to stop drinking every single day. 
Now that we have our son I feel like his drinking has increased to maybe 3 drinks a day. On weekends or days he has off he will start drinking in the morning and have 5-6 drinks. He’s never drunk. Just gets a buzz. But I don’t want our son to grow up seeing his dad drink daily and think it’s normal/healthy.
Am I wrong and controlling like my husband says for asking him to cut back? Can I approach the situation any differently to get a better result? I feel like he just shuts down when I bring it up (which it’s been over a year since I’ve said anything) and I think it might be a dealbreaker for me.

Answer

If someone is constantly buzzed how reliable can they be? How can he care for a baby? Drive? What if there was an emergency? This would not be ok in my house. I need to have a reliable partner whom I trust. I couldn’t trust someone who was buzzed every night

Answer

i mean i don’t see the harm in it personally. i grew up with a father who drank a few beers every night, it never had any negative impact on me and he’s an incredible father. but again, it’s just my opinion. i think you should assess if this is really truly worth ending your marriage if everything else is great. good luck!!

Answer

You’re not in the wrong. 
I’m in a similar situation. But the difference is my husband doesn’t drink on work nights but drinks EVERY Friday, Saturday, and Sunday to the point of being hammered. I hate it. 
We have spoken about it many times. I especially talk about his health and how he can suffer from liver disease later in life. I do not want to be a widow!!! But he goes in cycles. He will stop drinking for a month or two and go back. Then stop again, but resort back to his old ways. 
If you find the secret to getting him to cut back let me know!! 😕

Answer

Do we share the same mans? Lol cuz I SWEAR mine is the exact same way. When I first started talking to him, he would always drink during our lunch breaks and when I moved in with him, I noticed he would drink EVERY DAY and he would tell me “I’m not an alcoholic it’s just cuz I miss my kids” (had a family before he met me) and it continued. On our way to work, he would drink, during lunch he would drink, coming home OMG the drinking wouldn’t stop till we fell asleep. He’s gotten better now, after 6 years 🙄🙄, but he still drinks everyday, only now he only gets like 3 of the 40 oz. beers cuz it “relaxes” but he claims he’s not an alcoholic. My mom even told him to his face he was. But hey, if they’re not willing to change, there’s not much we can do 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Answer

I can relate except we’re not married (12 years together). You seem like you’ve approached it better than me. Mine drinks more and gets drunk which I sort of put my foot down (when it stopped becoming fun for me in my life/our life) which he felt was controlling and then he started drinking every time before I get home or before he gets home (in front of the house or on the road) so then he becomes wasted within an hour. How I see it which affects me...I feel like drinking to that extent he’s not happy with himself or his life and he’s trying to escape because he doesn’t want to be present. He knows his drinking is detrimental but he can’t control it and has no coping mechanisms. He’s also not ready to give it up at 31 years old. His dad lost his first wife and remarried, getting sober at some point. Right now he’s struggling to figure it out and started smoking cigarettes but he’s still drinking just not as much. So mine is trying to make some changes so his drinking doesn’t ruin his life. It doesn’t seem like yours wants to change or see it as a problem. I’d say you can go to counseling so there is a third party helping you guys both express how you feel or how it affects you. Put things in perspective for him? I really don’t know. I wish you luck.

Answer

Not at all. When I notice my bf started drinking a lot I sat him down and talked about it. He told me he had been depressed and drinking helped. And I told him why that bothered me so much. My dad used to be am alcoholic before I was born, and tho I didn't see him as an alcoholic I know what it did to him. His arrest record is basically a novel. He's told me some of his experiences and they're not something I want my boyfriend to experience. He understood and he cut back. He used to go out every single night, now it's 1 maybe 2 weeks. Sometimes he'll buy a beer after work, but that's also rare and it's only 1 beer. It's not controlling, you're coming from a place of love and concern

Answer

My husband is the same. He uses it to self medicate his anxiety and I think some depression. He won't cut back on your say so. Either something will happen to show him he's wrong or he will continue on this way. I would try and ask him if he's feeling down or just feeling the need to drink for a reason? Or if it's just to enjoy the drink itself.

Answer

I grew up with an alcoholic mother and I don’t see an issue with having a few but never gettig drunk! It would be different if he was drinking to the point of being drunk every night that would be a deal breaker for myself personally

Is it wrong of me to ask my husband to cut back on his drinking?

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