Awkward

My brother is friends with my boyfriend. They’re in the same group of friends and there really hasn’t been an issue. I had to work last Monday and got to our yearly holiday party late. When I did, my brother’s girlfriend pulled me to the side and told me what I missed.

My boyfriend, during a game of spill it or fill it, revealed that he wanted to start having sex with me. She handed me a few condoms and told me that she wasn’t going to tell my brother.

I brushed it off and sat with my boyfriend during the party. When we went to bed, I excused myself to my room and I couldn’t sleep, thinking about what would happen. We did it once and we both agreed that sex wasn’t going to define our relationship and we never really got around to it again.

He came over again last night and my mom wasn’t home. My brother and his girlfriend were home so I closed my door, seeing as theirs wasn’t shut. (Our deal is that one of the doors is closed for privacy but not both). My bf then took a seat on my bed and I got scared. I guess it had been so long. But then I made the dumbest decision and I awkwardly pulled a blanket off and sat in the floor rather than sitting with him on the Queen sized bed.

I think he sensed that I was a little distant and he left earlier than he usually would.

I’ve come to a decision, but how do I tell him that I do want to have sex again? Do I just surprise him and start getting up in him or do I transition into it more slowly?