6 week follow up

Anyone else dreading their 6 week follow up appointment? I had tearing and lots of stitches and am 4.5 weeks out. I am still very sore and a mess down there because I’m still wearing pads and bleeding off and on. Everything is so irritated. If I have a bowel movement I have bleeding, and I’m sure it’s from the stitches close to my bum. I’m still soaking for comfort.

I’m so afraid the check up is going to hurt badly, and my doc is going to say it’s healing wrong 😔 I love my baby and am in a constant state of lovey mush...... but damn I want to feel normal again.