I need to vent...

My boyfriend & I have two children together, and I’m a stay at home mom. He works, I take care of the house/kids. I can count on my hands the number of times he’s ever changed a diaper. He’s NEVER made a bottle, and the other day I ran to the store while the baby was asleep (10 mins away), and he called me telling me to come home because she woke up & needed a bottle.

He usually has Saturday & Sunday off, and for the last several months, has spent saturdays with his buddies, which is no big deal, but I feel like I should be able to leave for a few hours without anything being said about it, too..but I can’t, because he cant “handle” the kids... last Sunday, my toddler went in to wake him up at 10:45 am, and I had breakfast done, and he said “I don’t know why you have to wake me up to eat instead of just letting me sleep” 🙄 like wtf..you were up early for your buddies yesterday, but today it’s a problem?

Continually on his phone during dinner, when we all sit as a family together.

My sex drive is GONE, and it’s partially because I don’t feel loved, or appreciated, by him. I can’t make myself wanna do anything with someone who treats me so cold. Our baby is 4 months old, and we haven’t done anything since way before she was born. He tries to touch me while I’m falling asleep, and I get mad at him, because I’m honestly tired & not in the mood, and last night he kept fighting my hands pushing him away, and said “just let me touch you for a few minutes & then I’ll jack off and go to bed.” 😳😳😳 then when I told him no, that I’m not some sort of sex toy, he said “you’re going to have to give it up soon...I won’t wait forever..this won’t end good”. Before y’all jump on me about not giving in to sex, I’m breastfeeding so I can’t take birth control, and he has told me SEVERAL times that he will not use condoms. I do not want any more kids. And I don’t even want to chance it.

Anyway, if you’re still here...thank you for listening. I’m just lonely & I feel so unloved. I miss the positive attention, the positive encouragement, the validation, and the love I have felt with previous relationships. I’ve never had to ask a man to want to cuddle, or talk to me at dinner, or to do so little as call me on their way home, or text me good morning. I don’t ask for a lot, ever. All I hear is about what I didn’t get done in a day (laundry, vacuuming, etc..), or about things I’ve done wrong (I parked too close to the house the other day, and he couldn’t open the car door all of the way, so I got bitched at..)

I don’t know. I’m rambling. I just wish I didn’t feel like such a problem. :(

And before y’all ask me why I don’t leave, I don’t have anywhere to go. The lease is in his name only, the car is his, I don’t have a job, I couldn’t afford daycare even if I found a job, and I don’t want him to somehow take my kids away..