Okay, I have to vent. Life is sucking for me.

So, I just need to vent. My first doctors appointment is this Wednesday. I think I’m going to be 8 weeks. I found out when I was 4 weeks. I thought my dads insurance was going to pay for my maternal care and delivery but it’s not going to pay for anything at all. I can’t afford the insurance my work offers because they want to charge me $105 a week just for me being on there. They have another plan, which is the HSA plan, which costs me $45 a week and with pay roll deduction of my choosing, that’ll cost me $145 a week out of my check. I get taxed like $205 a week. This leaves me with $622 left out of my check each week. You might be thinking I make good money, but I don’t. I’m paying for everything on my own. My husband has been looking for a job for nearly 2 years but with no luck. We live in a small area and the biggest city is 30 minutes away, and he has applied for jobs there but has had no luck. He went to college and got his bachelors degree in business administration. But all these jobs want you to have experience, and that’s why he’s been having no luck in finding a job. Due to this, and even with me making $50k a year, I live below my means as much as I can. I live in a single wide trailer that honestly looks trashy to me, but I cannot help the stigma on mobile homes. We both have 10+ year old cars but they still work, thankfully. So my bills are cheap. And while I’m happy with that, I’m still upset about life. I want more out of life. At least a normal little home. Now, I’m having to put every dime and penny to pay just my doctor visits, which will cost me $2658, not including any labs or ultrasounds. I can’t get on insurance until mid February and it won’t start until 4/1. So while I will have some insurance before I give birth, I still have to pay a $5000 deductible before the insurance pays for 80%. So in the end, I’m going to spend somewhere between $10-12,000 on maternal care and the delivery. And that’s with insurance. That’s if I have a normal vaginal delivery, which I’m hoping for. All my friends make $20k or less so they qualify for Medicaid (which pays for literally everything) and government assistance. I qualify for absolutely nothing. So, I’m having to pay out the ass because I make okay money. But just because I make okay money, does not mean I have this money. I might as well be broke too. I’m just stressed the hell out. Life has been shit, and I’m honestly trying to be positive but it is so hard. I just wish my husband could finally get a good job. I wish my job didn’t have crappy benefits. I literally get no PTO, and only 5 days a year of unpaid vacation time. My work only pays $205 a year of my medical expenses, so they are being cheap with their employees. No retirement. Nothing. But they pay the most around here, so that’s why I had to take the job. I just wish things would get right. I just want life to be better. 😞