Sad and ranting...

Idk where else to go with these feelings, so I wrote them out...please no negative comments about my husband, he is so wonderful and tries so hard all the time I just struggle with emotions and communicating them to him, and I’m scared to tell him this stuff, so here I am...

So I have never had regular periods. Ever. Got my first when I was 12, didn’t get a second for over a year so I went on the pill basically right away. Tried all sorts of BC since then. My husband and I decided we want to try for kids and so I got my IUD removed... I then got diagnosed with PCOS, and I tried to be ok with it, and for a few weeks I was. I wasn’t happy but I felt decent about it. Suddenly today I am crying at EVERYTHING. I am supposed to get my period in a week (according to Glow - irregular cycles make that questionable...) so I have to assume I’m PMS-ing...

I so wish I was pregnant. I’m scared to tell my husband this because I know he will try and ultimately overcompensate (bless him, he’s wonderful and would do his best for me, this isn’t about him), but I feel like there is something wrong with me. I feel like I’m a failure as a woman, as a wife, and as a potential mother. I love my stepdaughter so so so mush, and it also stings so much that she is so wonderful and yet, thus far, I can’t have more kiddos. I have NO judgments about how anyone else becomes a parent, yet I find myself avoiding sex with my husband because “if we don’t have sex then me not being pregnant can’t be me failing” ... I can see that it’s not logical, and I know he would never feel this way, and if he realizes I feel like this he will probably feel terrible he didn’t notice sooner - and still I can’t stop feeling like I’m just a failure as a wife and a woman...