I have 2 beautiful children already. One was unplanned, I was ON birth control, and I had been dating the bio father for 2 years and then surprise I was pregnant. I became a single mom shortly after and then met an amazing man 2 years later. The Second I was with the father for 2 years, soon to be married, decided we wanted to start trying in a few months after marriage so i got OFF bc to get my system back to normal before starting trying and then had our first date night in months and surprise, I was pregnant.

Now here we are married for over 2 years, in a great place in our lives,finally prepared for things, loving our boys but wanting our family to grow. We are actively trying, teas, vitamins, preseed, musinex, opk tracking, planning sex, decent diet, and little stress. Its been 6 months of actively trying and close to a year total of being OFF birth control and not preventing. And yet still no baby. :(

This is the first time I have ever actually wanted and am actually trying and yet no matter what we do, every test is still negative. I know theres only a 30% or less chance each month but still. I keep beating myself up about it and it doesnt help that at least 15 of our friends from our mom group are pregnant right now. Is it because I am in my 30s now instead of my 20s? Am I doing something wrong? Is more kids not part of God's plan? Is this secondary infertility or have I always had infertility problems? Was it always this hard for me to get pregnant and I didnt know since i wasnt actually trying but wasnt preventing? I just feel like I am failing or my body is failing or I dont even know what but I just feel like my heart is missing someone it hasnt even met yet and the ache is surreal.

Sorry for the long vent, i just dont have anyone to talk to about this. Every time I mention something people always tell me to be grateful for the 2 I have, or that I shouldnt want more kids because they are hard, or that I am lucky im not pregnant so I dont have to feel the crappy symptoms they are feeling. I just feel broken 💔.