Want to apologize but I know I shouldn’t

I broke up with my ex on Jan 4th & he decided we should take things slow ever since because we did tlk abt the problems in our relationship and how we can make things better. So he said we’re not getting back together right away I wanna see some change & im just like you are the reason I left wtf. There needs to be change on both ends (it’s exhausting even explaining this). Trying to make a long story short... he was my first real relationship , took my virginity & everything. But we were toxic I didn’t know how to express certain emotions without going full blown out & I guess I was really sensitive and that just wasn’t for him. He’s more of a emotionless careless guy and I’m rlly emotional & caring. We were opposites. We had bad communication but we are young. No excuse but we don’t have it all figured out. I’m 19 he’s 21. We’ve traveled together , we graduated together , we’ve done a lot. V day would’ve made 2 years. Anyways yesterday we got into it and I just got so tired because his idea of taking it slow was staying broken up but texting everyday and it’s like wtf are we talking abt. We’d talk abt the way we’ve fucked up through out the relationship everyday and it got annoying. we haven’t seen each other either, but the last time I did we had sex it was sooo awkward cus in my head I was thinking we don’t even know what we’re doing right now, don’t get attached. so I’m like this isn’t working. I don’t feel like it’s helping , we tlk abt the same thing everyday , ur not putting in any effort to move forward it’s like we’re just hitting a brick wall. I said grown people talk it out in person and see if they can get on the same page if not just end it all not do this bcus it’s leading to absolutely nowhere. He would get mad at me if I wouldn’t reply all day vice versa but it’s like we’re not dating so we both kinda didn’t have the right to feel a way. Anyways I sent him a paragraph abt how I felt throughout the relationship , as very heated already so I was very blunt I told him abt how much he’s hurt me and how I can’t believe I allowed him to be the man to make me question myself. It was just bad , I did curse him out but I told him idk if I’m saying these things cus I’m hurt or intentionally, either way idc rn. & he’s like you mean all of these things etc bla bla he told me to leave him alone and he told me I feel entitled. & I was like wtf u have the audacity to tell me I’m entitled because I never expected things to be like this or for you to hurt me, I’ll be entitled. We stopped tlking yesterday morning. I’ve said some things to question his manhood I guess and he did say I guess this is it , you said what you have to say don’t reply. But today I woke up feeling a little bad cus the way I cursed him out although I meant majority of what I said. I’m sorry for the mean things I’ve said because I do love him and that just doesn’t go away even tho I told him I hate him. But ik I shouldn’t apologize cause it’ll spark a convo and we’ll be arguing all over again. Should I just let it go ? Even tho I feel sorry I don’t think it’s a good idea to say it. Maybe too soon or maybe I should just keep it to myself & allow him to feel how he feels.