how do i get over being raped by my boyfriend ?????

i was raped by my boyfriend last week. i didnt scream or cry or anything, i just kept trying to push him away and was telling him to stop. its only been properly affecting me these past few days as i have realised it was rape. i feel constantly disgusting and any time i think about sex my body feels so numb and disgusting and i dont know what i’m meant to do. i just want to cry to someone but there is no one that i can tell because i dont want anyone to know that this happened to me as i am still with him and i dont want it getting out that it happened