I never realized how important being open with your teens is until tonight.

I'm 40 with 17 year old twins, boy and girl. I overheard them talking to each other. My daughter, Selerena, was asking her brother Yonsé if she could help him hide her birth control pills. He said "You can put it in the box with all my ps4 games, she doesn't check there really, that's where I put my condoms." I don't know if I was angry that they were sexually active and got past me about it or if I was angry that they were hiding this kind of stuff from me. After overhearing this I decided to call them down to watch a movie with me. They came running down the stairs and Yonsé yelled that he gets the first handful of popcorn lol (Teenage boys and their excessive eating, I swear.) Selerena took the remote from me and started scrolling through Netflix. I had no idea how to start this conversation off. In my head I was imagining myself grounding her and her brother until she's 18 which sounded so satisfying for me emotionally, but instead I took a deep breath. I asked her "Did he pressure you?" and she looked at me and said "Huh?" So I restated "Did he pressure you? Were you pressured into sex?" and she started moving her leg and stuttering and said "No ma'am, we were talking about it for a while and I initiated it. I'm sorry am I in trouble" then Yonsé came back from the kitchen and noticed how serious we looked. Then I asked Yonsé the same thing because men can be pressured too! And he told me no & that he thinks he loves his girlfriend. I nodded and took a deep breath again. I told them "When I was your age, I had sex too. My parents constantly punished me and I constantly found ways to get around it. So I know if I punish you guys you'll get around it too. I'd have to lock you in the basement if I wanted to stop you guys. But with sex comes responsibility. Sometimes you plan it and sometimes it's in the moment. Nobody under 21 is really ready for a baby unless they're hella rich. So even when you're in the moment, you stop and say wait no we need a condom. Okay? Especially you Yonsé because if a girl says she's on birth control, you can not prove that she is." They nodded and I started talking some more about sexual health and that I would schedule appointments for them. Then Yonsé asked me if he could tell me something and I nodded. He told me "You know my friend's 18th birthday party I asked you I could go to and you said yes? I lied about it being safe and chaperoned. He's gonna have weed and probably some alcohol." I nodded. I don't want my son to miss out on his teenage years and it's his senior year after all but at the same time, I don't want to bail my son out for possession of weed or being caught with alcohol under 21. I told him that he can still go to the party but only if he agrees to send me selfies every 20 minutes and stay on the phone with me so I can hear everything. He agreed. Just when I thought we could watch our movie, Selerena goes "Mom I have to tell you something too. When you drop me off at "cheer practice" I don't actually go. I've been catching a bus to go to self defense lessons. I've been begging you to let me do it but you never said yes and now that I have my own job I just started paying on my own." This upset me a lot because my kids know I do not believe in violence at all. I thanked her for being honest with me but I told her no cell phone for 5 days... And to tell me about what she's learned lol. We finally got to start our movie (Kong: Skull Island) and the kids are arguing about whether or not it was morally correct to kill Kong in his first few films 🙄 I'm rethinking how open they were with me tonight and I've never felt so.. Happy inside?

Note: Guys my daughter isn't grounded, I just took her phone. I took it because she was sneaking around and the self defense class she attended is far across the city. A 17 year old girl should not be traveling like that.

Note 2: Okay I hear you guys. I think I was just so shocked that she was traveling so far. I'm gonna put her phone back on her charger while she sleeps. I'm gonna start driving her to her classes instead of her taking the bus and actually applaud her for being responsible.