Venting?

Warning-mental health, ect

I'm 21. Almost 22. I think most of my life I have kept everything to myself. At 14 dating a guy who controlled everything I did or said, being confronted by a teacher in a hallway for breaking up with his favorite student. Being pushed to the ground by a guy at 15 because I laughed at a joke a friend said and he didnt like it. Being knocked down on stairs because he was "playing" around even though in the moment he was mad over something stupid I'm sure I did. Being called ugly and worthless. At 16, I started not eating, or if I did at the end of the night I would go into the bathroom and make myself vomit. I hated my body. I hated me. Fighting to do better...but on my own. Because even to this day no one noticed weight loss. Or how unhappy I was.

And maybe I should be thankful now because my life is better. I'm happy now. I'm healthy now. But I find myself slipping into old habits. Not wanting to eat. Looking at myself with disgust. Crying when no one is around. I dont know how to reach out. I dont know how to tell people that some days I just wake up feeling like I'm emotionally drowning.

Maybe its because I went through so much growing up but was good at hiding it and i dont know how to almost 6 years later tell everyone what crazy stuff was going on so it just lingers in my head.

So what do I do? How would I go about therapy or even just talking to someone I know?