My fiancé keeps asking me what’s wrong and I can’t bring myself to tell him what it is. I trust him the most but I don’t think I’ve ever talked to anyone about what’s making me upset, so here goes...

This may be small to some.

On Wednesday my fiancé and I, and his friend all went to look at a car (for my fiancé). When we left the dealership, we went to eat, blah blah. Then, his friend said he wanted to go to another town to look at motorcycles. Totally fine. Whatever. Until I hear what town it was. I haven’t seen my “grandpa” since I was about 6, and he lived in this town. That was the first and last time I ever met him. For some reason, as soon as he said where we were going, my mind flooded with the memory of him that weekend. He kept saying how much he loved me and my sister, over and over again. And after saying all that, he never made any attempts to see us anymore. He never called, or wrote letters. I reached out to him about four years ago. We talked on the phone once, and texted a little, and he called me on Christmas. I haven’t heard from him since. He’s remarried now, and she has kids of her own. I’m sure one day he’ll have grandkids too, if he doesn’t already, maybe even great grandkids. It never bothered me until now and I can’t figure out why. I was afraid I would see him, know exactly who he was, and I would go unnoticed by him. How would he even know who I was or what I looked like now anyways??

Now that I’ve thought about it, I know why he told me he loved me so many times before we left his house. He knew he wouldn’t see me again. He knew he wouldn’t try, and he didn’t care. He thought that would be enough though.

That day, I reached out to his wife. She knows who I am but she didn’t have much to say to me. She just said she knew who I was and that my dad had stayed a weekend with them a few years ago. Nothing special. Maybe that upset me more than I already was..

I’m grateful that my grandma remarried long before I was born and I had a real grandpa who was always there and who always told me he loved me and who did see me often.

Anyways, I just wanted to get that off my chest.. I don’t know why I can’t bring myself to tell my fiancé that..