Me (F19) and my boyfriend (21) have been best friends for 2y, and we finally admitted we've been crazy about each other for a while now, and started dating about a month ago. Because we were already close, and had been interested for a long time, intimacy escalated sort of fast. This is both our first relationship and we're both virgins (which I find comforting) so it hasn't gone too far; Mostly just some light making out and mild groping.

I've always had a very healthy--maybe even a bit high-- sex drive. And make no mistake, I'm *very* attracted to my boyfriend. When I'm on my own, I have fantasies to the point of distraction and I have a lot of fun with those fantasies, if you catch my drift. I love the idea of him being aroused by me, and I want to be with him. When we're snuggled together, the fire is burning hot, but then we get going and... It's so hard to explain. The moment I begin to suspect he's thinking of me sexually, my breath catches... in a bad way.

It's not fear. He's so gentle and responsive to what I want. If anything, it's this deep feeling of repulsion. Zero arousal with this deep feeling in the center of my core that yells "NO." It's like when the dentist pulls out a massive needle - - you know it isn't going to injure you or actually be that bad, but damn.

It's so frustrating. I'm so attracted to him and want more intimacy so bad, but my body just won't react the way I want it to. Why do I get so turned on by him when he's not around, and then lose all of it the moment it's actually happening? Is this normal? Nerves? Am I weird? I have no bad history with sexuality, so I just don't understand.