He was excited by the idea but we agreed he would not actually have sex with the other guy.

He said it would be a real buzz, though, to see me with another man and getting off on it.

My husband found this chap online and he came round to our place half a dozen times.It was really great and we all seemed to find it very exciting.But then we didn’t hear from him for several months — or at least my husband said we had not.The other man is 28, I am 33 and my husband is 35.We have been married for six years and have a two-year-old daughter.We get on well but sometimes feel like ships that pass in the night because my husband has such a demanding job in marketing.

He has become distant with me recently.I just assumed it was the pressure of work but I was taking some clothes to the dry cleaner’s one day and found a used condom wrapper when I turned out my husband’s coat pockets.

I thought he must have been having an affair with a woman but then I was looking for a particular photo of our little girl on his phone when I found a video of the man we had the threesomes with giving him oral sex. You can’t see my husband’s face, of course, but I recognised his voice. I was so shocked. I haven’t said anything about it but I think he knows something is wrong.

I am confused as to whether me and my husband are in an open relationship. Ihave only confided in one friend, who says I can’t complain about my husband’s behaviour because it was my idea originally to have someone else involved in our sex life.

Should I just accept what he’s done or confront him?