So my wife and I are polyamorous. My wife is also a trans women who isnt on hormones yet, this is relevant later. We have always had certian rules for our relationship, nothing crazy or controlling just basic stuff to keep eachother and our kids safe, like no just sleeping around with randos, dont be with someone if they disrespect your spouse or kids, dont bring strangers to the house, ya know simple stuff. Well we have a lot of super hard things going on in our lives right now. We decided that for a while we would just focus on the two of us and our kids, meaning no dating anyone else or being on dating apps or sleeping with anything else. Just a normal ass monogamous relationship until we get our shit together knowing that if she didn anything outside of the marriage it would be cheating, same for me. She agreed and everything was suppose to be okay. I had a bad feeling and did a no no and went thru her phone without her knowing. Shes been actively talking to other people still, been actively sleeping with randos(which is how I got bv from a dirty dick), been dating a whole bunch of people she did tell me about, people that are "family friends" are people shes been fucking, begging a couple friends of ours to fuck and saying that they can swap and our friends husband can fuck me so that my wife can fuck our friend, begging people for "special videos and pictures just for her, and so on and so forth. I'm completely heartbroken because we both agreed to cut ties with anyone and focus on our marriage and kids for a while so we can get thru there problems and she just doesnt care. I dont know what to do. I cant confront her because itll cause problems because of me going thru her phone but now I just feel broken and disgusting and lied to.