Let me start by saying I love my children and I wouldn't change them for the world. However I am sick if being a mom. It's been 3 years of being a stay at home mom. I am exhausted and empty. There is nothing left of me. I don't drive and we live in the middle of no where. I only get out at the weekend to run errands or to take the kids to their various classes. I don't brush my hair anymore, I don't use make up anymore. I have been in pajamas since last weekend. I own one outfit that fits me. I only brush my hair once a week when I'm going out and truthfully half the time I'm so busy getting everyone else ready that I don't even have time to brush my hair so I put it up in a bun or we will be late. I feel like there just isn't enough hours in the day. I'm trying to keep my head above water but one of my children is going through a phase of pushing boundaries and I am exhausted trying to instill better behaviour in her while also being conscious of not upsetting her. Everything is conflicting advice on how to discipline and she is running rings around me. I'm so tired but at the same time I'm so drained that I actually feel a bit numb. I'm upset and numb at the same time. There is no me that isn't "Mom". I'm sick of bottles and pacifiers, I'm sick of naps taking an hour to get them to sleep. I'm sick of reading their books, I'm sick of cartoons, I'm sick of arts and crafts, on sick of sensory play. I'm sick of constantly worrying about their developmental and emotional needs. I'm sick of second guessing every decision, is this fabric free from chemicals, is this soap natural enough, should I get the plastic toy or the wooden one, which is best for the kids, which is best for the environment, has everyone had enough water today, have I made meals that meet their individual needs and requirements. I'm sick of being judged for not breastfeeding, I've never experienced judgement so harsh as I have from breastfeeding mom. I'm sick of being judged for not using cloth diapers. I'm sick of cleaning sick and urine and poo and sticky hands but not having a spare minute to clean my face.

I know I sound like an ungrateful bitch.