caught my fiancé stalking...

so i put our 2 month old down for the night and lay down next to my fiancé who is relaxing scrolling through instagram. i start to doze off before i realize it, you know, before you’re really all settled in. so naturally i wake back up a little so i can really get situated for sleep. i was already facing my fiancé, so when i opened my eyes, his phone is the first thing i saw.

you guys. i had a panic attack. my heart started racing. i’m blind as a fucking bat so this is all i could make out:

i’m like what the fuck. this is it. i’m officially one of the unfortunate ones, sharing her story with the ladies of glow, getting them all riled up with me about finding out my man is in to dudes. (which hey, go for it, but we do not do lying in our house.)

so i’m like “HEY WHATCHA LOOKIN AT”

he was like “cristiano ronaldo just hit 200 million followers!!!”

ladies i have never felt so relieved in my life. my fiancé is FASCINATED with rich people. not just famous people like cristiano - i’m talking anybody with an unfathomable, overindulgent lifestyle. he always has been. so he was genuinely just stalking this dude because he just became instagrams most followed account. of all the god damn pictures from this guys instagram, i just happened to open my eyes while he’s scrolling past the 1 almost naked pic out of the other 15 soccer pics before it . 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

thanks glow. without you and the crazy stories i read every day, i’d otherwise need a trampoline to jump to those kind of conclusions. 😂😂