NYFW with my ex boyfriend

I traveled to NYC because of NYFW last week with my ex boyfriend (work related). And for a few days we were together all the time and that made me realize something:

I do not really love my (current) boyfriend. Of course I do have feelings for him and he is absolutely the sweetest boy in the world! But that is already a thing, he is to sweet. I need someone who also say ‘no’.

I am not myself when I am with him. I love to make jokes and I’m extrovert, he is not. And I’m acting like a more introvert girl when I’m with him. Also I do everything to look nice and dress nicely (straight my hair, make up, that kind of things). Just trying to be really really perfect!! In other words, I’m another girl when I’m with him.

What I said before, last week I was in NY with my ex boyfriend. And to be honest I was having the time of my life! It felt so good to be with him. We talked, laughed and had so much fun.

Now I do not want to go home (to Amsterdam, now I’m in London). I realized that he is not ‘the one’ and to be honest makes me feel kind of depressed..

I am 19 years old and it feels like I live a life of someone way older (if you know what I mean).

And I am so happy that I’ll see my ex boyfriend in Milano + Paris in a couple days. And that I can be with him.

I really want to break up with my boyfriend. But know I will break him..

I really do not know what to do right now..

Do you think it’s ok? And what if I break up with him? Should I go back to my ex boyfriend (it feels good)..

Xx