So I’m a little lost in life right now . I feel like I have no passion or motivation for anything I used to enjoy doing . I can’t find the spark to paint or draw or find a new hobby . I feel like it’s just blah anymore . The one thing that I’ve been wanting to explore lately is sexual things . I’ve been with my guy for 4 years and we used to have amazing sex . But now it’s like once a month if I’m lucky . I would send pictures , I’ve bought toys , I’ve tried talking to him about it and still nothing . But I want to explore my sexual side . I wanna try anal and see what my kinks are . But how can I do that if he’s not willing . He’s not working a lot but he’s not depressed . He just got the job he’s wanted , bills are paid , he’s fed . He is even up beat and himself . But we just never have sex . And he says it’s not me and he’s not depressed and his sex drive is normal . He watches porn but nothing to the point that it would get in the way of sex , about once a week . It’s starting to make me insecure and feel bad about myself . And I don’t want that . I’m going to be 30 in a couple months and I just want to feel like a woman and feel sexy and learn more of what I like and don’t like . I really feel like I’m going through some sort of life crisis . I don’t know who I am anymore . I’m sorry this is all over the place .