A “Break”...

[Sorry if this is really long.]

Right now, my boyfriend and I are on a break from our relationship. We’ve been together for what would have been 2 years; we’re also seniors in college. My boyfriend wanted us to break up so that there could be some separation and leave room for personal growth, which is much needed for the both of us. However, I asked if we could compromise with just a break.

There have been many times where I’ve overreacted at things I’ve worried about for no reason (a lot of this probably my panic disorder and anxiety projecting) in which my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to break up... but in the end I’d always convince him not to do it and that we would be able to work through it. I now realize that this was manipulation and I can’t even express how terrible I feel that I’ve put him through this. I’m a really emotional person and my emotions control so much of my life, and I know that this isn’t good or healthy. So as you can imagine, this break is taking a toll on me emotionally.

Now here we are, taking a break from our relationship and spending time apart, not texting, not hanging out even though we’re on the same small campus and have the same friends. He doesn’t know if he wants to get back together with me or not. I’m praying that we’ll work this out. He’s really become the biggest and best part of my life and the thought of losing him is killing me. I have a lot of questions because I don’t know what to do in the mean time.

Is a break a bad idea? Are we holding onto something that we should let go of? How can I stop being unhealthily emotional? How do I shake off this terrible manipulation I’ve gotten into the habit of doing? How do I cope with this???