I don't want sex. I hate myself right now and I can barely even shower. I'm terrified of getting pregnant again and it's really taking a toll on our relationship. My husband asked how long he should wait for me to figure my shit out and basically snapped at him and told him to go find someone else to have sex with if he wants it so bad. I'm tired of feeling bad all the time because I'm not giving in. It's been a rough year and I thought things were better but obviously not. He doesn't want a divorce and I don't have answers for him. I'm starting therapy maybe... it's a little scary to deal with all your shit and I'm not sure where to start... ugh. Maybe it would help him not be so nasty towards me... I dunno... I'm just thinking about it right now. I will not be participating, I don't want sex with anyone anymore. I literally don't think about it at all...

It could be because of the pregnancies, my 2yo was pretty hard on me mentally, none of the providers would listen to me and I was pushed into inducing . Then I got pregnant when he was a yo and I had secondary tokophobia. Maybe even PTSD from his birth.