Cold Feet... Help! 🤰🏻🤱🏻

My Fiancé and I have been with each other for 6 years and are in the process of planning our wedding. It’s set for July 2021.

We’ve been back and forth on the idea of having kids.

At first we wanted them (but we were kids ourselves..) I was 20 and he was 23. We envisioned our future with them. (3 to be exact.. even picked out names..) but that was just us fantasizing and playing around.

Flash forward a few years I’ve realized I don’t want kids. We discussed it many time and both agreed and were on the same page... until now...

He’s having cold feet because he wants kids now and I don’t.

I’ve gotten older and more accustomed to the idea that I have a choice in my life. I don’t need to have kids just because I’m a woman. I grew up in a family where that was the woman’s job.. just have kids and take care of the home. I’m not in anyyyy way trying to shit on that or women who do that. I’m not. It’s just that from what I saw.. I didn’t see any joy from the women in my family. They were pretty much servants cooking cleaning and their lives became about their kids. They solely were responsible for child rearing and didn’t have much autonomy in their relationships. None of them worked either.

Another reason is that my own mother was very abusive to me. Verbally, emotionally, and physically... life at home was scary and I always felt like my mom didn’t want me. Because she didn’t. I hated being unwanted and unloved. Obviously I would NEVER do what my mom did to me to any child but I’m worried what will happen to me if I had one when I don’t really want one. I don’t want my child to feel what I felt. I don’t want to have a child just to have one or appease my fiancé. I believe children should be wanted.

I’m a strong believer in the notion that just because you can have kids doesn’t mean you should. I think of unwanted pregnancies and babies, drug addicts, and mentally unstable people (like my mother). It’s just not right. I do love kids and I believe they have the right to be loved and adored but should be wanted.

Lastly, the whole idea of pregnancy is soooo scary to me. I know it’s the most natural thing but I’m just not ready to do that. In my opinion it’s not fair that women have to sacrifice their bodies, brain chemistry, careers, and identity. I don’t want to sound selfish but after living under the stress of an abusive mother I feel like I just have been able to be my true self and live life on my terms. I don’t want to give myself to my child.

Is this a deal breaker? Do you think I should try to convince him to come around or am I supposed to? Idk what to do. I don’t want to loose him. We both love each other so much. I want us both to be happy. Has anyone been in this situation?