Hi, I guess I'm just looking for advice to help me understand myself?
So for about 5-6 years now I've been struggling with my gender identity. I've always agreed with my biological sex, female, but as I got older things began to change. I began wanting to associate myself with the boys I've always hung around, not as a girl, but really as one of them, a boy. For a short while I dressed closely to them, cut my hair short, and went on as such.
After being confused for a boy often (which I didnt mind in the slightest, I actually kind of liked it), and being insulted on the streets whenever I wore a dress because people thought I was a boy cross dressing, I eventually stopped. I grew out my hair, wore bows in it to accentuate my gender, and went strictly towards dresses and skirts. Even today I enjoy dressing feminine and still firmly identify as a girl.
But as I'm now turning over into adulthood, things are changing. I feel an overwhelming urge to identify as a boy. I have dreamt of it countless times, imagined myself as a dapper gent catching all the hearts of ladies and men, and I actually feel slightly upset at the fact I cant be the tall, masculine form of myself that I've imagined being.
I recently had a talk with my boyfriend about how he would feel if I ever came out as trans, and he just kind of shrugged the talk off after saying he couldn't be with me in that case. It was the first time I've ever thought about the possibility of being that way, because what I know from close trans friends is that it was something they always knew about themselves. I realized after that talk that I wanted to discuss these feelings more, but idk who I can talk to about it. I don't think I have dysphoria because I dont hate my body and the female parts that come with it, but with my increased desire to be a boy as time has gone on, it has made me question what I am as a person.
Is this normal for girls? Am I just having a fantasy of sorts? I just want to understand what this all means for myself.