I miss my momma...

Dear Mama,

I miss you with all my heart. I cry about it every night. I wish you had it in you to reform yourself, but you and I both know that you don’t. I tried convincing myself that I’d be fine without you in my life, but I’m not. I need a mother’s influence. But I hate you. You refused me as a baby, left me alone at bars and tried leaving me at dumpsters. I’m just lucky you’re such a deadbeat asshole that police had your DNA sample to match to mine once they found me. I know I shouldn’t care. I know you shouldn’t be someone I care about. But I do. I still love you. I never want to see you again... yet I wish you were here every day.

You couldn’t stop the drugs.

You couldn’t get over getting older.

The party lived on in you.

It’s why I’m not okay.

I blame you. I blame you for my anxiety, my depression. I blame you. You LEFT ME in the hospital when I was born, left me for weeks as I suffered to get over YOUR addictions to crack and meth.

I hate you.

I miss you.

I love you.