I hate my life

I can’t do it anymore. I have no help because my husband wants to drink all night and sleep all day. My house is a wreck and I just can’t keep up. My poor kids don’t understand why mommy can’t play or spend time with them and is constantly begging them to play in their rooms. I just want to run away. It’s so unfair. Unfair to them, unfair to me. I just want a clean house and time to spend with my babies, but I can’t have that. At least if I wasn’t married, I would actually be alone and doing it alone instead of having a warm body filling up space and messing things up even more. I seriously hate my life right now. I can’t do anything about it either. Luckily, my time window where I can take action is coming closer and closer, but I know I will just give in again and keep living this miserable life.