Suicidal Thoughts

I have a 7 month old baby and I'm currently pregnant with baby #2. I am about 5 weeks along.

I do love my baby and I do want to be the best mom but right now everything is crashing around me and I dont think I'm strong enough to keep going. I feel like everyone in my life would benefit from me killing myself or dying because I feel like I make everyone around me stressed and miserable. I feel like I cant do anything right.

The father of my babies is such a failure and I have no way of finding a place to live on my own because of the corona virus making me lose my job.

So I'm stuck at my parents home and they have really hurt my mental health. I've come so far from where I was in the past, yet i feel so judged and belittled and looked down on constantly. I dont do anything remotely wrong. I dont smoke, drink, use drugs, I dont party, I am striving to go to school. I am attending church as they wish. I dont do anything wrong! But Idk if its their personality but I am still constantly under their scolding eye. I try to tell them how I feel but i cant express my feelings even in a calm way without being gaslighted or without being hanged up on by the rest of the family.

I have so much going on and no body understands how stressed I am and how depressed I am and no one will listen without making me feel like I'm just some piece of shit.

I want to jump out of my skin. I dont want to be here anymore. I dont know where to go. I dont know what to do.

I just feel like I'm better off dead.

I am too afraid to kill myself but I'm seriously so low and feel like an empty pit of confusion

I am not one to wallow in self pity but I am so lost right now