Just a little not badly intended vent

I'm 12 DPO. We have been ttc for 8months. I noticed the first 3 months that I was not ovulating. I was placed on Clomid 50g for 4 months. Ovulated every month. Last month I told my hubby that I need a break as the disappointment is killing me.

My last period was 12 March and this time I did not use Clomid or did opk. We baby danced if and when and not on a schedule as per previous months. Around CD14 I think I experienced ovulation pains, but without testing I can not be sure.

AF is due within the next day or 2. I have since yesterday had extreme lower back pain, something I never get. Tender breast for a few days and a slight sense of nasuea sometimes. Every my skin is super smooth, I can usually pickup from my skin when AF is close. Bloated as hell, but again that's normal before AF. And then extremely heavy CM, which again I know is not related - but something that not usually happens. I have a tingling sensation, almost like bubbles bursting in my belly.

Thing is, maybe because I want this to be true so bad.. I 'see and feel' all this and think it's not normal or normal for a possible BFP. Ffffff I'm so damn confused.

So I know I need to test, but with the Covid19 we are on a extreme strict lockdown and only allowed to go shopping for essentials. As far we have only been doing online shopping and non of them stocks pregnancy tests.

I don't want to get my hopes up. Silly stuff like my one colleague, not aware that we are ttc msg me and said she had a dream I'm expecting a boy. And my 5year old daughter told me this morning theirs a baby in your stomach. I know, it's stupid. But, it sticks with me a creates hope.

I'll make a plan to go out tomorrow to go get a test.