Breaking it off

Shit has gone so wrong. I've been messing around with someone who says they aren't ready for commitment & I told myself I was cool with that.

But now. I've stated I wanted more, something he cant give.

I tried breaking it off but we kept coming together again. Now its messy and broken.

I asked about his ex last night and he got upset, to which I got upset. Now we are arguing and its turned into something else.

All this for a man who doesn't want to be mine. Why cant I ever let men go when I'm supposed to?

The ex before him, I knew I didnt want to be together before we moved in and I ignored that feeling. Worst year of my life.

Ex before him. I knew he was a cheater and I needed more proof I guess that he was a POS.

Why do I do this to myself? And honestly why the hell cant I find someone who makes me laugh, makes me feel comfortable being me, listens to my endless comments about the books I'm reading. Like I swear I'm funny,nice, I can cook, I take care of myself, your mom would love me. Promise.

Im cool too! But honestly what's the issue? Am I missing something that is deeming me unlovable or do I have "backstab me" on my back?? And how the f do I keep picking these awful guys.

Guess I need to move on again. I just need the strength to actually do it, for the both of us boy because we are toxic.