Husband masterbates instead of initiating sex with me

Okay...so in August we are coming up on our 2 year wedding anniversary. We've had our ups and our downs but more ups than downs. Well, my husband literally masterbates every time he gets in the shower....literally. or if I'm not home that's the first thing he will go do. He very very rarely initiates sex with me. I'm always the one to initiate and I've expressed how it's made me feel. He said that he madterbates because it helps him sleep, or if hes restless it helps...basically he said it's not always sexual and he rarely watches porn. But for some reason I just cant wrap my head around it. He said that sex with me is great....but if I want sex I should just come to him and initiate...but ad a women I want to feel wanted. He tells me how beautiful I am and he tells me that he loves me....but idk.....the masterbation habit just makes me feel so low...tonight I tried to do it with him and it just made me even more angry because he'd rather do that then have sex with his wife that's willing and able?? 🥺🥺