I cheated with 2 people same night (it’s kinda long)

- this was months ago. I’m only posting now because I’ve come to terms with it, kind of -

Let me say I’m a bisexual female in her mid 20’s, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we are best friends, love each other more than anything, have everything in common. We don’t live together at this point. The only difference is he doesn’t drink alcohol and he doesn’t like to go out to bars or clubbing which is fine because I go out with my friends instead no issues. This was on new year, now I’m not a big drinker, I typically drink one or two 4-8% drinks and the rest of the night i’ll have lemonade or cola. I’ve always been like that, my parents were like that and I think it’s how I was raised. I don’t get drunk or even tipsy, just enough alcohol to join in the fun but I’m still almost stone cold sober. So this night I’d had a 4% drink and that was it, the rest of the night I had lemonade, my friend introduced me to his new girlfriend (they are in a polyamorous relationship) and we all got chatting, all of us were dancing, my entire friend group together. My friend went to the bar for drinks for all of us and come back (mainly because it’s easier than all of us queuing up) and they all know I don’t drink much, only soda from there on. After the second round of drinks of what I thought was soda I started to feel strange, a little like I was buzzed, so I stopped incase he had gotten me the wrong drink and ordered my own. This was only midnight. I was ordering my own drinks and I was still feeling more and more drunk, they were all either lemonade or water and I’d watch them pour it, but I felt wasted. I felt like I was floating, I was sleepy, I was stumbling, everyone thought I was just “joining in and drinking” that night and no one took me seriously when I said I wasn’t because I very obviously appeared to be wasted. Around 2am I decided I wanted to leave, the club was still open until 4 but I felt awful, so nauseous and just not like me so I got my jacket, and went to leave. My friend and his girlfriend offered to walk me home since he lives around the corner from me and wanted to make sure I was safe. I only live 10 minutes walk from the club. So we walked home, it seemed fine. I got in the house and sat down with a bottle of water, they come In to make sure I was okay. It was all very very fuzzy, there are a lot of snippets between that that I really don’t remember this is just an average of what I remember happened, my friend made me a cup of tea and said he wanted them to wait until I felt better (that’s what he told me the next morning), next thing I know is I woke up 7 hours later in bed with no clothes on with them in the bed with me. Obviously very freaked out and confused I didn’t understand what happened, they both said that I come onto them and wanted to have a threesome. I thought they were kidding until they showed me a photo that was “at my request to remember this night”. I was so confused, they left and the whole day I didn’t know what was happening all I could think was I cheated on my boyfriend, it’s all I could think about. As the day went on I started to remember small snippets that were a total blur of me kissing both of them and things escalating but they were 1 second clips to that I couldn’t make clear. I haven’t spoken to them since that and when I ask my friends about that night they tell me I was wasted i must have been ordering alcohol and not realising, I was so hammered. I have a suspicion that there was more than alcohol in my drinks but I don’t want to believe that, he is my friend of over 10 years i don’t want to think he would do that to me. I didn’t know what to tell my boyfriend, I eventually just explained like above and he told me I was drugged but after this there has been a huge hole in our relationship, we’ve had sex once and I just feel disgusting all of the time. I don’t feel like myself anymore and I haven’t had anything to drink since nor have I been out to bars etc. I just can’t handle the thought that I got wasted and cheated on my boyfriend with not one but two people. I hate myself for it so much. I think I had to rant about it and get it out there so I’m sorry and if you read then thank you!