I had a little mental crisis about diet, and “depriving” myself of comfort foods last night...

I waited too late to make a healthy dinner (it was my turn), so my husband said: don’t worry, finish your project, I’ll make myself something... so there I was 20 minutes later trying to make a healthy dinner for myself in the middle of his meal prep... pasta, bread, Oreos... I was really grumpy from being hungry and having to reject all of that. I was already upset from realizing that I couldn’t eat the cool sugar free chocolate bars I bought because they were messing with my gi tract. I began to fume, extremely resentful, even towards my angel husband, who is literally the best man I have ever known.

He could tell it affected me, and he apologized and promised to try harder to eat healthy himself. I was upset with myself though, because he’s not responsible for how I feel. Why am I so upset over having to say no to food... that’s the story of my life, being lactose intolerant, and trying to get pregnant for 8 years.

After a heart to heart with myself, I realized that I was so upset about having to control my diet so tightly because I had been doing it to gain some sense of control over getting pregnant, and it hasn’t seemed to be working. I try so hard to not eat anything inflammatory, then I get another period. Same old story as the last 7 years, only this time, I thought I could make it happen.

But I can’t. I cannot make myself get pregnant!

I do not have control, and I need to accept that, not just find a new treatment to believe will make it work.

What do you do, to come to terms with not being in control? Obviously, I’m going to keep trying to support my health... but how do you shift your mindset?