When does the bitterness stop?

Just found out we’re pregnant again after our first 20 week mmc back in October. I’m finding it hard to be happy though, I just keep having cynical thoughts like “this one probably won’t make it either” “don’t tell anybody or you’ll get your hopes up again”. I know that’s just me putting my guard up so that I don’t get hurt again. But when I do think about it as a possibility of it actually happening and going to full term this time, I just keep thinking about how much worse the timing will be this time around. And just generally feeling robbed of my happy joyful pregnancy I had the first time around. I am normally a very happy person but after losing our boy halfways through my first pregnancy, when I was so excited to be a mom, I’m finding it really hard to be happy this time around. Anyone else feel that way or have felt that way and does it get better? I really want to be happy again. 😞