Rambling

He wants sex tonight.

I want to cut myself. I won't. I don't anymore. I haven't in years and years.

But, man, I'm fantasizing about it.

What is wrong with me? He's given me everything I've ever wanted. I got a ring. I got love. I got a baby. I got a house. I got to quit my job.

Why can't I just be happy?

What else is there?

I just want to lay here. I want to be alone. I want to drink myself to sleep.

Why is it not enough?

I don't have any sexual desire anymore. I can't get laid in my own dreams.y own subconscious won't screw me. I could honestly give up sex for the rest of my life and be okay. When did that happen? How can I reverse it?

Why do I...

Just thinking about...

I'm not suicidal.

I'm not going to hurt myself.

I just needed a diary entry before I have to pack up my emotions and go be a mom and wife.

Alright, guys, smile back on...

"Everyone neat and pretty??"