Dear Anonymously....

I didn’t know really were to right this put I just need to get this off my chest and out my head. Tonight in the middle of scrolling through my social media till I fall asleep I get a text from my best friend saying she’s pregnant. I wanted so bad to feel happy for her but I just couldn’t and I hate it and myself for it. I know this may seem selfish but I feel like I just lost my best friend... All of my other friends are moms and it’s just not the same as me and my best friends relationship. I feel like she ruined her life. This year has already been hell for her and I feel as if this baby just trapped her in the abusive relationship I’ve tried rescuing her from. I just can’t help but think about when I was in the same place as her in a horrible relationship thinking a baby would bring me joy. I ended up pregnant just like her and it’s weird to say but I was lucky enough to miscarry and realize it’s not time for a something as precious as a baby to come into my life it’s not safe enough. Don’t get me wrong my miscarriage fucked me up mentally nothing is worse than losing a child, that love and bond starts from the day you find out but I would have struggled so hard for the next 18 years and I’m so scared that’s gonna be her situation. Im scared I’ll get the call she actually killed her self this time cause she just couldn’t handle the stress and depression. Maybe I’m just a selfish horrible person for thinking and feeling all these things ☹️