Sexual frustration, lost hope. Please help

I know that the ultimate decision is mine to make. I am just asking what would you do in this case. Any advice will be very appreciated. Once the situation with the virus calms down, I will visit a therapist.

I want to divorce my husband because he is selfish in bed. There I said it. He is not your average selfish-in-bed husband, he is WORSE! I am done with his excuses, I am done feeling unworthy of pleasure! I want a man who would honestly enjoy pleasing me and I would never have to beg! I want a man who truly WANTS ME and not just want me for his pleasure. I have a hard time speaking about this to anyone, but you guys are so wonderful and nice, please give me an advice.

I know that oral pleasure is not for everyone, but I want it! It takes me less than 30 seconds to orgasm via touch (i am talking lazy-put-your-finger-on-my-clitoris-over-my-underwear-kind-of-touch). It is not a lot! But he doesn't even want to do that for me!!! Let alone eat me out.

Our sex life is 90% blowjobs, 10% penetrative sex (which ends when he is done, I am irrelevant) and honestly I rarely ever orgasm that way. He knows this. He doesn't care. Whenever I bring up the topic it seems that I either accept him or leave, and I try to, but I can't. I see him as an asshole! I would never make him do something he doesn't want, but for me to feel that simple touch is too much to ask for is miserable! I am angry at myself.

Please don't advise me to tell him this, he knows this. He always comes up with excuses, but I call it BULLSHIT. Please don't advise me to stop giving him blowjobs, I enjoy giving them.

But I became this bitter person, and I started hating him for making me feel repulsive. I wax once a month, take multiple showers a day, I wear lingerie regularly, my diet is clean, my lady parts are well taken care of!

I know he won't change, but why do i stay with him when I hope for so so much more!

Honestly, it's been 3 years. He has only ever gone down on me 2-3 times and I rewarded him by hour long blowjobs each time (and much much more, since those are daily). He has 'tried' going down on me willingly only to find and excuse as to why not to do it, or something. He has been manipulating me!

And everytime he fears I will leave, he promises to change, to which I get a mere 30 seconds touch and he calls it even. After I give him his blowjob. I don't even want to speak about the topic anymore! I am done feeling this way.

Even if he did change, how do I forget the 3 sexually unfullfilled years of our life?

I am being bitter and lost. I know it is bad to prioritize your sex life over everything else, but this is too much for me!

Yes, I have managed to ask a couple of times, and yes he made me feel that he is willing to do it, but he always came up with an excuse. Like, even for my birthdays.