I AM CONFUSED AF.

so im 18 and still a virgin. i wanted to have sex but i always thought waiting until i have a healthy relationship was the best option. however i am in love with a boy for 5 years and we made out couple of times. at first i thought my feelings for him was completely gone because we had arguments but i started seeing him due to mutual friends,we talked and solved the problem. now i can’t fucking stop thinking about him but not as bad as it used to be. (i literally cried every night for him back then) he never cared about me so dating is not an option. i cant feel ANYTHING for anyone emotionally. i dont like any boys or girls because no one seems attractive to me like he does. i am about to loose my fucking mind because i kinda wanna have my first sex with him. i know he doesn’t care about our relationships in general and i just don’t know what to do. i feel like i’m going to regret it so badly if i don’t have my first sex with him since he means a lot to me and actually the only one who means something at all. what am i supposed to do?