Advice on co-parenting/relationship?

I just want some advice from someone who is not biased! I have a son who is 8 months old and the dad and I have had problems since basically day 1 but those problems were tolerable... until they weren’t. There was verbal abuse for a little while and now there isn’t. It’s all a cycle that I haven’t figured out how to break and he doesn’t seem to want to try. A few weeks ago I brought up splitting up and he said we should keep trying. Ever since the conversation, he doesn’t seem to care. It’s frustrating to even consider splitting and it feels like he’s waiting on me to make the move and be the “bad guy”. I guess I’m scared of leaving but also of being on my own as a parent. I’m basically a huge pile of walking confusion at this point. Does anyone have advice? I know I need to leave him but how do I even do that and not feel absolutely horrible? Thanks in advance 😅