ive only openly talked about this to people who are close to my situation and sometimes I just feel like explaining it to everyone but I know that I don’t owe an explanation to anyone, but anyways.

I was 17 when I lost my virginity, had sex with 3 people before I met Him(well call him H) at 18, he seemed perfect at the time, he was 21, he was sweet and gave me the attention I never got from anyone else, he asked me out three days after I met him, and me being so insecure with myself and longing for someone to love me, I stupidly said yes. Everything was great for awhile, I was in the cupcake stage and was crazy clingy with him, he had severe anxiety(or so he made me believe) so eventually I stopped hanging out with my friends after school and on the weekends to spend all my free time with him. Eventually my parents found out what I was doing and gave me an option, come home or never come back. He told me I could live with him and that was that. After a year of being under just him, no family, no friends, he became seriously mentally abusive, which in tome became physical. He told me I wasn’t enough, he wanted to sleep with other girls and he basically broke up with me but told me he didn’t want me to move out and he that he loved me. I was mentally broken and alone and agreed to his terms. Initially it was us “double dating” randoms we met online, they’d think we were just friends and he would force me to tag along because of his “anxiety” and if I truly loved him I’d do this for him and eventually he’d get back with me. Then it turned into hanging out with his brother, who was a big partier, his brother(we’ll call him T) & I formed a bond over T feeling bad for me and hating what his brother was doing to me. H begged T to hang out with me while he fucked other girls and eventually T agreed to be my “date” so I wouldn’t have to suffer alone on these atrocious “double dates” ANYWAYS, fast forward FOUR YEARS, and as H slept with a lot of different women, me and T would get drunk together and he would tell me how beautiful I was and that his brother was stupid for not choosing me over any other woman, in a strip club one night he took my hands, looked me in my eyes and told me, “I’d rather be with you than any woman in here.” And let me tell you, there was some beautiful women in there. So, eventually me and T ended up sleeping together multiple times upon H coaxing me into it and telling me and T that it was totally fine. On a few occasions H would get jealous and become physically abusive towards me worse than he usually was. T witnessed it one night and told me I’m the same strip club after a few drinks that he seen H slap me and he wanted to kill him when he seen him do it, he said he doesn’t know why I stay, and that I didn’t deserve that kind of treatment and that he loved me. I bawled my eyes out. I had known for a year that I was falling in love with T but it felt wrong. A few months later, I find out I’m pregnant. H cuts everything off with everyone and stops being physically abusive. He demands I end things with T, and I do, reluctantly because I knew T wasn’t financially able to take care of me, let alone a baby. 9 months go by, baby is born and she looks nothing like H. He lnows it’s not his baby and he gives me hell everyday, he starts back abusing me. Black eyes, busted lips, loaded guns(all in my name as Hes a felon and can’t have guns) pointed at me while I’m on my knees holding my baby begging him to stop, guns put in my mouth while he calls me every name in the book, just about anything you could imagine, H did. T is never fully out of my life, as he is Hs brother, and they do speak and H does allow T to come over and hang out with us on occasion. Eventually a year after my daughter is born, H decides he’s back to wanting other women and tells me I can go back to seeing T, which I’m more than happy to do. T is a little more reluctant than I, but eventually we’re back to being best friends. A year and 8 months later, H finds a girl he has fallen for, he kicks me out as if I was nothing to him, I move in with friends, I admit to T that my daughter is his and he admits to me that he knew but didn’t know what to do. It takes him a little while but eventually he gets a job and asks me to move in with him. Now, my daughter is two years old, I’m 9 weeks pregnant and I’m living my best life. T never yells, never puts his hands on me, never makes me question where I stand in his life and I’ve NEVER been this happy. I get judged a lot from the outside looking in, but Ts family loves me to death, they knew from the moment I started making excuses for my black eyes that something wasn’t right, and they said they always knew me and T had chemistry and belonged together 😭 I just wish everyone knew what I went through before they judged me but I know in the end all that matters is that my daughter and I are safe, healthy and happy ❤️ if you made it this far, wow. Thank you for reading my soap opera life. I just needed to actually put it out into words for once.