I want to apologize for the long read before I begin.

I’m in the army and the father of my child is in the marines. We’ve been on and off for 3 years now. He’s left me for other females due to long distance and whatnot a few times hence the on off bs. I’ve always loved him no matter what. Even when he was in relationships he’s always been there for me in every way just as I have for him. He finally got stationed back in the states while I was deployed and shortly after I came back from deployment and we finally met up. Had sex for the first time and now I’m 5 months pregnant. We’re stationed in different states. Earlier in my pregnancy he said he needed some time to get his shit together so he can be the best father for our child which I was hurt but I understood so I was fine with being friends and co-parenting. When things started going great again I made a flirtatious comment and he didn’t respond. After a while I apologized for said comment and told him I’m still trying to figure out how to be just friends to which he replied we’re not just friends” “I love you” “you’re my girlfriend”. I was like okay great I can be normal with him again. A week passes and his family member who he was close to passed away of covid and he wasn’t able to go to the services. I tried my best to console him as much as possible while being in another state and since then he’s lashed out at me a few times for little things like saying “what’s up” instead of hello or something. He finally said he doesn’t want to be with me but still wants to be in our child life. Because of Covid-19 he and I haven’t seen each other in person since the beginning of the year and I’ve had to deal with this pregnancy alone.

Now my concern is, if he’s left me so many times and he’s even left during my pregnancy how am I to expect him to stick around after the baby comes? Part of me wants him to be in the baby’s life but another part can’t trust him anymore and i don’t want anything to do with him. I don’t want to make this about me but I don’t want my child to feel abandoned either. At the same time I feel like I’m letting my feelings towards him get in the way.

Please I’m just looking for some advice. I don’t want any negativity especially right now.