I hate this

I just saw a post mention Christmas and I was reminded that I hate Christmas. I know it’s may lmao but I have it on my mind now. My best friend passed away last March and we spent all of her last December together and she loved Christmas and this past year I just wanted to crawl in a hole and wait for December to end. And I want to love Christmas it used to be my favorite holiday that I would look forward to all year, I would get on Pinterest and make super complex decorations and it would look like December threw up all over my bedroom and it would even overflow into the rest of the house. I want that feeling again and I don’t know how, I know she would want me to celebrate and be happy especially around Christmas time but it just makes me sad now. Any advice on how I can enjoy the holidays this year?