SIL=sister-in-law

YH=her long-term bf

Okay, so, I feel like I really am losing my sanity.

For background, SO and I (both early 20s) were quarantining with his dad since he wanted to have both his kids stay with him for the time being. SIL and YH (30s) live with him. We've always kept our distance from SIL and YH, mostly because they're toxic and amplify each other's toxicity. SIL calls me boring and useless behind my back to SO because I don't watch the bachelor with her or go clubbing 4x/week with her, yet always asks me to do things for her like build furniture or do photoshoots. YH regularly says racist things to everyone, but me in particular (comparing me to an ethnic disney princess, asking me what kind of ___ i am, saying "you people all look the same to me" etc.) and never apologises. His idea of an apology is "I did not say anything racist to you." No one in SO/SIL's extended family likes either of them as they're both selfish, vindictive and rude to everyone around them.

Yesterday YH barges in and tells us to have family time. SO and I say we're occupied but are willing to work out a time that works for everyone. YH then starts complaining about how SO is just in a game match and I'm doing "whatever [I'm] doing" so I show him I'm working on my project and he rolls his eyes at me and says "I don't know or care." YH and SIL then say to clear our schedules after Monday at 6 PM, so I tell him it's fine but I have a meeting that MAY run until 6:30 PM. YH got angry and began saying things like "Why can't you just cancel it? What's so important? Just clear your schedule you don't even need to go to it." At that point I was tired of him speaking down to me and just spoke in a monotone voice "It's for work. I already committed to it. I can do after 6:30 PM for sure but I can't just skip my meetings." YH and SIL leave the room only to blow up SO's phone about how they just wanted family time. SO tells them it's fine to want family time, but they need to respect that we can't drop everything to hang out all the time. SIL says YH doesn't feel respected (YH forces everyone to follow asinine rules but any resistance = disrespect). The problem isn't wanting family time, but the fact that they always feel entitled to our time and effort.

Eventually, SIL bad mouthes me at every attempt to restore peace and his dad takes SO and I's side. For now, things are somewhat calm, but I can't help but feel incredibly resentful. My personality is the complete opposite of SIL, but I make an effort to at least be courteous and maintain the peace. I work 7 days a week on top of going to school full-time, as does my SO, so even if we're home all day we're still working, but SIL and YH expect us to drop everything on their time and terms. SO has grown up with it so he got over quickly, but I'm tired of keeping quiet to keep the peace, and dealing with people who act like teenagers and constantly burn bridges at the most minute slight.

At this point I've decided to just go back and avoid SIL/YH at all costs. I can't stand their ungratefulness and the way they treat everyone. I'm a bit frustrated that I'm so much younger than her and have to be the one to always stay quiet so they won't have a massive tantrum. I told my SO that I understand it's his family, so I don't want to make him choose sides, but I refuse to have anything to do with SIL/YH.