Cannot be intimate because I am not attracted to myself

Am I alone here? Because I don’t see this often discussed.

Recently over the past 3 years I have gain a significant amount of weight. While I am starting the journey to lose the weight through out these 3 years my sex life has decreased dramatically. My husband thinks I am not attracted to him but he doesn’t get that it is me. I don’t feel sexy. I don’t feel confident. I feel grotesque. All the foreplay in the world cannot get me turned on because I am so ashamed of my body.

I cringe when my husband calls me beautiful or taps me on the butt. I can’t even entertain those comments because I don’t believe them.

I don’t understand how to gain confidence (other than losing weight). And there is no way in hell I will be trying on lingerie. Trying on t-shirts brings me to tears. I haven’t bought a swimsuit in 3 years because I am so disgusted when I try them on.

Gah I wish losing weight was a fast process. I feel like I have tried to lose weight over and over again with NO success. But I’m going to try it, yet again. Let’s just hope it works.

Sorry, just needed to vent and get this off my chest.